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SURF CENTRAL
Antonio’s arm landed like dead weight as his hand fell against the buzzing alarm clock. His mouth was full of cotton and his head throbbed as he gingerly pushed himself up in bed. He let out a groan as the room began to spin at an alarming rate. In his entire life, he had never had a hangover. There was that one time right after graduation when he and some friends broke into a liquor cabinet. Antonio had gotten sick and passed out almost immediately and hadn’t managed to get as drunk as his buddies. When he entered the seminary, getting drunk was no longer an option so he had never developed the proper tolerance for someone his age. "How in the world did I get here?" he mumbled out loud as he realized he was in his bed at Surf Central. The last thing he remembered, he and Ricardo were doing shots of Jack Daniel’s at Ben’s liquor cart while Gabi and Maria sat on the couch talking about the wedding. Gabi…Ricardo…the wedding. It all came back to him now. Ricardo had wanted to have a celebratory shot, which turned into four or five before Antonio bet Ricardo that he could easily drink him under the table; a bargain Antonio had lost even before he opened his mouth. He attempted to recall more of the evening, but the effort made his head pound even more violently. Realizing it was Saturday and that he would be of no use to anyone without staying in bed for awhile longer and sleeping away some of his sickness, Antonio lay back against the cool sheets and pulled the pillow over his head. He quickly drifted back to sleep. THE LOFT Gabi rolled over to find Ricardo’s side of the bed empty. She sat up and looked around the room, her eyes falling to the pad of paper lying on the desk with a pen next to it. Knowing he must have been called into work, Gabi flopped back against the bed and stared at the ceiling. Her mind drifted to last night and how Antonio had acted so unlike himself. He was drunker than she had ever seen him; probably drunk for the first time ever. He seemed upset about the conversation they had in the kitchen and was about to leave when Ricardo convinced him to share a drink. Ricardo could easily hold his own and drink almost anyone under the table but for whatever reason, Antonio had foolishly challenged him to a contest of stamina. Ricardo had taken great satisfaction in eliciting the ultimate drunken stupor from the unseasoned drinker. When he had finally convinced Antonio he had lost the bet, the smile on his face was undeniably victorious. Antonio had landed face down on the floor and nearly whacked his head on the coffee table after matching Ricardo shot for shot. Ricardo pulled him off the carpet as Antonio’s body slumped against his strong frame. It took Ben and Ricardo both to get Antonio into the backseat of his car before Ricardo drove him home with Gabi following behind in Ricardo’s car. Ricardo slung Antonio over his shoulder and carried him into Surf Central and up to his room, depositing him fully dressed and totally blasted into his bed for the night. It was almost as if he had been trying to prove something, Gabi thought as she recalled the way Antonio stood defiantly before Ricardo slugging shots of every available alcohol on Ben’s cart. Ricardo pleaded with him to give in, but Antonio was bound and determined to drink himself into oblivion right then and there. The way he kept glancing to make sure Gabi was aware of just how drunk he was becoming told her she must be the motivation for his little display. Gabi held her left hand up in front of her face and fingered her engagement ring. She smiled as she remembered Ricardo proposing to her and slipping the ring on her finger; he really did love her so much more than she ever thought a man could. They were going to be so happy as husband and wife; no two people were more meant to be together; well, maybe that was true. Antonio had loved her once, too…she shook her head and reminded herself that what happened between them was in the past. Ricardo was her future, her husband-to-be. Antonio had chosen a life without her and now they…he, she corrected herself, would have to live with it. Gabi climbed out of bed and grabbed Ricardo’s note. Dear Gabi, Sorry to leave so early. Had to go to the station. Love you, Ricardo. She smiled and put the paper back on the desk before heading into the shower. Gabi had the day to herself and she decided to do a little shopping. Maria was having a birthday party for Ben the following weekend and Gabi wanted to buy a sexy new dress to wear. Ricardo had seen her in all her clothes and she wanted to wear something that would knock his socks off. After dressing and grabbing a quick cup of coffee, Gabi headed out to the mall on her quest. As she drove down the street, she couldn’t help thinking about how Antonio must be feeling this morning. Realizing she was only a few blocks away from Surf Central, she decided to stop in and check on him. They were still friends, after all, and she did care about him…as a friend. SURF CENTRAL The front door sat half open, as usual, and Gabi headed inside and up the stairs. Clothing and magazines littered the steps and she laughed at how the mess must be grating on Antonio’s nerves. He had never been one to leave a thing out of place and his roommates were less than tidy. She chuckled quietly as she came to the door to his room. Knocking softly, she waited for him to answer. After a few seconds, Gabi quietly pushed the door open and stepped inside. Antonio was lying face down on the bed with one arm bent up underneath his pillow and the other resting at his side. He wore only boxer shorts and the flimsy sheet was draped over his leg, just barely covering his backside from her view. Gabi closed the door softly and stood silently at the end of the bed admiring his tanned, muscular form as he slept, peacefully unaware that she was in the room. Gabi walked around to the side of Antonio’s bed. He was sleeping so soundly that he didn’t even hear her kick the book that lie on the floor next to his bed. Gabi bent over and picked up the leather bound book with the blank cover, which she immediately recognized as one of Antonio’s journals. Gabi’s conscience screamed at her to place it back on the nightstand and leave the room, but something inside wanted to open the pages and find out exactly what had been going on in his head as of late. She had so many questions…why he had finally decided to leave the priesthood and what, if anything, did he still feel for her? She knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but since when had she been the goody two shoes who played by all the rules? Just as she was about to open the book, Antonio shifted in bed and turned his head to the other side. Gabi panicked and nearly threw the book onto the bed table. She bolted from the room as quickly and quietly as she could just seconds before Antonio lifted his head and managed to open his heavy eyes. Antonio sat up slowly certain he had felt someone’s presence beside his bed. Taking a deep breath, he could almost smell Gabi’s perfume in the air; the sweet fragrance he had never forgotten since the night they made love. With a heavy sigh, he took his journal from the table and opened it to the last page he had written. The entry was completed right before he had left for dinner at Maria’s. August 20, 1999 I’m off to dinner at Maria’s…dinner with Gabi and Ricardo. I never anticipated how strong my feelings would still be for her. In the many months since Ricardo’s proposal, I had convinced myself that Gabi truly loved him and that I wanted them to be together and to be happy. It was so much easier to believe it when I still wore the band of the church. Now that I am free…free to live and to love as I choose, I find it harder and harder to keep her out of my thoughts. She has slipped back in to the place in my heart that she managed to fill – the place she never really left. Why is this happening again? Why am I in love with another woman I will never have? Am I destined to always be alone and heartbroken? Have I made a mistake? God, help me. Antonio closed his journal and slipped it back into the drawer he kept it in. Being in love with Gabi was killing him; keeping him from moving on with his life. He had a job that he loved, a place to live, his family and his health…why couldn’t he find true happiness and peace…and love? He lay his head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling as he answered his own question. He would never find that place in his life unless he truly let go of Gabi and stopped loving her. But how do you just stop loving someone like that? He had managed to do it once before and it had been the most difficult time of his life. He had so much to give the right woman; his heart, his soul, his world would be hers. What he needed to know is if that woman was Gabi. Gabi sat in her car, her heart pounding fiercely after her close call as she stared at the front door of Surf Central. She was sure Antonio would come running outside any second screaming at her for almost reading his journal. She knew the things he wrote in it were intensely private and never discussed with anyone…not even her. Antonio had shared almost everything with her at one time, but what was written in his book was from a part of his soul that even Gabi couldn’t reach. Antonio had told her about his writing the day he moved into Surf Central during the Mission renovations. Gabi was helping him unpack when she came across the box full of leather bound books. He told her that he began writing in high school and the habit stayed with him all through seminary and into his everyday life. She asked him if she could read one and he made her swear she would never open even one; the contents were transcripts of his innermost thoughts for no one else’s eyes but his own. Gabi had always respected and honored his request of her – until now. Gabi was almost obsessed with finding out Antonio’s motivation to leave the priesthood. She wanted to know…she needed to know if his decision in some way, in any way, involved her. She could ask him but she knew he would never really tell her the honest truth. Antonio wasn’t a liar, but he was careful to protect that part of himself that was most vulnerable…his heart. A knock on the window nearly sent Gabi through the roof. She looked up to see Vanessa smiling at her. "Gabi, are you alright?" Vanessa was almost laughing at Gabi’s startled reaction. "I’m fine, Vanessa," Gabi assured her. "What’s going on?" "Nothing. Where are you headed?" "To the mall," Gabi replied, "do you want to come along?" "I thought you would never ask," Vanessa sighed as she walked around to the passenger side. "We have a ton of catching up to do." "Sounds like fun," Gabi smiled, glad to have something to take her mind off Antonio’s journal. If it was near his bed, he must have written in it recently and there must be something in it about her; she would see it soon enough. Gabi and Vanessa headed off for a day of shopping and gossip…their favorite way to spend the afternoon! THE JAVA WEB Antonio waited quietly as the girl behind the counter fixed his double cappuccino. He had slept the day away and it was almost 7pm. His head had finally stopped pounding and, fortunately, he hadn’t thrown up at all; he was certain he wouldn’t have another hangover for quite awhile. Taking his cup from the counter, he made his way out to the tables lining the sidewalk. Since it was Saturday night, the Web was quite crowded and there was only one table open with no chairs around it. Antonio set down his coffee and searched for an available chair. "Excuse me," he said gently to the woman at the table next to him, "is this chair taken?" As she raised her deep blue eyes to the wonderfully familiar voice speaking to her, Ashley’s heart almost leapt from her chest. He sounded so much like Antonio…could it really be him? She slowly turned her head as her light brown hair cascaded over her shoulder. The book she was holding fell closed in front of her as her head lifted to see the eyes she had never forgotten looking back at her. Antonio waited for the woman to answer. She sat with her back to him, her nose buried in a book. As she raised her head, her profile sent his memory into overdrive. She looked so much like Ashley, but it couldn’t be her. Antonio tilted his head to the side as she shifted in her chair and turned to face him. He felt his heart jump as his eyes took in her beautiful face for the first time in such a long time; she was even more beautiful than the last time he had seen her. "Oh my God…Antonio?" Her sweet voice took his breath as he stood silently before her, his dark eyes wide and his mouth almost hanging open. A sweet smile broke her full lips as she shyly dipped her head. Antonio felt his pulse quicken as he gazed at his first love sitting in front of him once again. "Ashley," he responded quietly, the heartache she had caused still lurking in the dark depths of his soul; buried for so long and now brought abruptly back to the surface. He never imagined he would see her again, nor had he wanted to…until now.
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