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Antonio thrashed around in his bed as low, painful moans surfaced from deep in his chest. The sweat soaked sheet was tangled around him as he turned his head roughly from side to side. "Shh," the soft feminine voice broke through as he shot up in bed and began searching the room frantically. "It’s okay, Antonio," she assured him as she soothingly stroked his arm.
"It looks like he’s coming out of it." The masculine voice came from the doorway as Antonio struggled to find the sources of the voices he heard. As the fog that clouded his vision began to clear, he was able to make out who was speaking. "Casey? Ashley, what are you doing here?" His voice was scratchy and rough, his head ached violently. "What happened? Where am I?" Casey approached the bed as Ashley helped Antonio recline back against the pillows. "You’re in your room Antonio, at Surf Central," Ashley assured him. "You don’t remember anything?" "Remember?" Antonio closed his eyes tightly. Could it have been a dream – a nightmare? It was so real. "In my room? I…I. No." Casey laughed. "Yeah, well I guess a fever of 104 will do that to you." Antonio opened his eyes with a look of shock. "Well, it all started when you passed out." Casey looked at Ashley with a grin. "I think I’ll let Ashley tell you what happened. I’ll be downstairs. I’m gonna call Tyus and give him an update." Ashley turned back to Antonio as Casey left the room. She gently pushed the hair off his forehead. "You scared me so much, Antonio. I didn’t know what was happening." "I don’t remember…I think I must have been dreaming. What happened?" Antonio pushed himself up on the pillows and Ashley sat on the bed beside him. "Well, we came home from the Deep and you and I sat downstairs and talked. Do you remember that?" Antonio searched his recollection and nodded. "Then," she hesitated as a soft blush came over her cheeks, "well, it was storming and we started kissing." She paused to see if he remembered; the smile on his face told her that he did. "And we came up here." According to Antonio’s memory, he and Ashley were about to make love when he accidentally said Gabi’s name, but he was confused by the smile on Ashley’s face. "We were, um, on the bed and you were unbuttoning my blouse and then it happened." "I’m sorry," he blurted out before she could finish. "I feel really bad about that." "Antonio, you had a fever of 104. I hardly think it was your fault that you passed out." Ashley touched the damp washcloth to his head. "I know I…I passed out?" Antonio questioned her. "Out cold. You fell like dead weight on top of me." Ashley laughed softly as she said it. "It was all I could do to roll you off of me. I didn’t know what else to do, so I went and woke up Casey." Antonio shook his head; he couldn’t believe what she was telling him. "Of course I got dressed first," she added shyly, "then Casey checked you out and decided to call Tyus. He came over and after examining you, he concluded you had some sort of viral infection that spiked your fever and sent you into a strange state of consciousness." "Fever?" Antonio laughed as he reached down and touched his legs; he nearly yelled out loud when he could feel them. "You mean I didn’t say…uh, I mean, Gabi didn’t come here and find you?" Ashley shook her head no with a confused look. "There was no car jacking, I didn’t get shot and I’m not paralyzed?" She shook her head again. "What about Prince Alexander?" "Um, I don’t know what you’re talking about Antonio. Who’s Prince Alexander?" Ashley remembered what Tyus had said about hallucinations accompanying high fevers. "Oh, Antonio, you must have been hallucinating. Tyus said that a very high fever sometimes causes hallucinations." Antonio began kicking his legs like a child, laughing and whooping; it was all a dream, just a dream. "Antonio?" Ashley eyed him carefully. "I take it your…feeling better?" "More than you could know, Ash," Antonio said with a wide smile as he pulled her into his arms. Ashley slid her arms around his neck and held him tightly as he rubbed her back. "I can’t believe all this happened last night." Ashley pulled out of his hug. "Antonio," she looked at him seriously. "You’ve been out of it for several days. Almost a week." "A week?" Ashley nodded. "I’ve been in bed here, for a week?" "You were almost catatonic, Antonio. Tyus didn’t want to move you so he’s been coming by to check on you everyday. The nurse has been here during the day and your family has been in and out all week." Antonio was overwhelmed; he sunk back down into the bed. "Everyone’s been so worried, especially Gabi." Antonio stiffened at the mention of her name. "Gabi? Has she been here?" "Everyday after work," Ashley reported as she attempted to gauge Antonio’s reaction. She had begun to suspect there was more to Antonio and Gabi’s relationship; the way she came and sat with him for hours every night had definitely piqued Ashley’s curiosity. "Ricardo’s been real busy with a murder investigation so he hasn’t been able to come by much." "Wait," Antonio interrupted her with a strange look. "That was in my dream or…or whatever. I knew about that. How could I know that?" Ashley grabbed his hand reassuringly. "Tyus said that even though you were catatonic, you could still hear and absorb conversation around you. You must have heard us talking about it sometime." She squeezed his hand gently. "Have you been with me all week?" Antonio asked and Ashley smiled. "You’ve stayed here all this time?" "I wasn’t going to leave Antonio. I wanted to make sure you were all right. I had to." Antonio sat up and gently drew her into a kiss. It took them both by surprise but Ashley slowly softened into it. He pulled away from her leaving her almost breathless. "I’m glad you stayed," he whispered quietly. "I thought I lost you again." Ashley raised an eyebrow. "Nevermind," Antonio answered with a sly grin. "Hallucination." Ashley laughed softly and their eyes locked. Antonio was instantly back to the night they almost made love; his heart began to beat faster as Ashley reached up and caressed his cheek. Antonio slipped his arm around her back and urged her to him; their lips met again tenderly as they eased into the kiss. For the moment, Ashley forgot about everything and gave herself to him; the way his lips moved against her sent a shiver up her spine. She ran her fingers through his hair as he pulled her closer to him, her chest rested against his, her palm pressed flat over his heart. "Hmhmm," Ricardo cleared his throat from the door. Gabi peered over his shoulder as he stopped; her heart sank to her toes as she witnessed their kiss. "Excuse us," Ricardo bellowed with a laugh as Ashley and Antonio separated, Ashley looking embarrassed and Antonio wiping the lipstick from his mouth. "Hey little bro. Casey told us you woke up." Us. Antonio looked to the door; Gabi stood with her arms crossed as one hand tangled her necklace. "Hi Ricardo, Gabi." Gabi met his stare and it all became clear; the true meaning of his hallucination, the direction of his future. "I…I’m sorry if I scared everyone. I don’t know what happened." "It’s okay, T. Tyus has been giving us all some crash course medical schooling for the last week, especially mama. Although, she insists she only needs her cards for answers and they told her you were going to be just fine." Ricardo laughed. "In fact, she said your life was going to be better when you came out of it that it was before." Antonio had never believed in his mother’s predictions before, but this time he had to admit she might have a point. His hallucination had told him something about the way he was living his life; it told him that if he didn’t make a change, he was never really going to be happy. He took a deep breath. "I think she may just be right, Ricardo, this time." "Don’t tell her you said that Antonio or we’ll never get her to stop doing readings on us." Ashley, Ricardo and Antonio laughed and chattered away; Ricardo filled Antonio in on his investigation and how their mother had been lighting candles at the Mission for Antonio everyday. Gabi slipped out into the kitchen when no one was watching; her heart was aching and she needed to be alone. As she stood in the kitchen, she became lost in her thoughts. She had been sure Antonio still had feelings for her; after the time she spent with him alone the other day, she had been certain. Gabi came to see Antonio after work and Ashley was out at the store. She sat with Antonio, holding his hand and talking to him. After a while, Antonio began to mumble; his words were jumbled and soft, but she had heard them well. It was obvious he was dreaming, but he had been dreaming of her. From what she could make out, they were talking about having a life together; he was telling her he couldn’t give her the life that Ricardo could; the life she deserved, a home and children. She assumed he meant because he wasn’t making as much money at his job as Ricardo did as a detective. Gabi listened as he spoke again and her heart soared when he said, "I love you Gabi." Later, he began saying something about waiting until he was well to talk to Ricardo, not wanting Gabi to face him alone. She closed her eyes as she remembered the last things she heard; Antonio telling her she was beautiful and then speaking words of passion, moaning her name and the word yes. But now, today when he awoke, he was holding and kissing Ashley. A tear slipped from her eye and she brushed it away. "He’s over you, Gabi. Face it," she told herself forcefully. "He was just hallucinating. Obviously, he wants to be with Ashley." She stayed in the kitchen waiting for Ricardo so they could leave. Ricardo stayed for a few minutes, but needed to get back to work. He hugged his brother tightly. "I’m glad you’re okay. I knew you would be." Saying goodbye to Antonio and Ashley, Ricardo headed out to find Gabi. "Hey Ashley, would you mind if I had a little time alone?" Antonio pulled his journal from the nightstand. Ashley smiled as she recognized the book; she bought Antonio his first one when they were together in high school. She couldn’t believe he still used the same style after all these years. "Sure," she smiled softly and walked to the door. "Just yell if you need me." Antonio returned her smile then turned his attention to the book. He had to get his thoughts into words. September 11, 1999 God, you have sent me a message that I am finally able to understand. I’ve been in a state of half-life for the last week…not alive, not dead but in a strange middle ground where I was able to examine my life through my subconscious. I’ve recognized the position I’ve put myself into…being in love with a woman I can not have has brought me to a halt. Unless I let her go and move on with my life without her, I will forever be stuck in this place I am now. I’m paralyzed by my feelings; unable to move forward, to grow and to survive. I will always love Gabi with a part of my heart, but if I allow her to hold my whole heart, it does not beat for me. I’m killing myself inside. It’s time for me to move on, to become mobile again, and to be free to love another who is free to love me. God help me to find that woman, whoever she may be I’m ready…it’s time. God give me the strength. THE STATION "Hey Ricardo, I…oh, sorry Amanda," Spence stopped in his tracks as he found Amanda working at Ricardo’s desk. "I thought Ricardo was here." "He went to see his brother," Amanda answered as she looked at the picture of Antonio and Ricardo on his desk. "A Casey somebody called to say Antonio woke up." "That’s great," Spence smiled as he set the box down on Ricardo’s desk. "Well, maybe I’ll just leave this for him. It’s a box of stuff I found in the corner of the evidence room. I guess we’ll have to go through it and catalog it after this murder case wraps up." Amanda stood up and sifted through the box. "Hmm, nothing really unusual," she commented until she found it. "What’s this?" she said as she extracted the unmarked videocassette and examined it closely. "Do you know where this came from, Spence?" "SPENCER! Let’s go!" Officer Ruiz was waiting for his partner outside the door. "I don’t know for certain," Spence answered as he backed out of the office. "Whenever we get a look at it, I’m sure we’ll figure it out. See ya later, Amanda." Spence joined Ruiz and they headed out to their patrol. The tape intrigued Amanda; she glanced around Ricardo’s office and spotted the VCR. "Maybe I’ll just take a look at this for Ricardo," she mumbled to herself as she flipped on the TV and pulled up her chair. "You just never know what you’re gonna find on an unmarked videotape." The tape began to roll and as the zigzag lines cleared to a picture, Amanda’s chin dropped to her lap.
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